Anonymous said: Hey Jake, how are you? I know this is weird but I just wanted to know how you're doing these days, you probably won't even see this messsage but it's worth a shot, right? - Alana
Two months late but yus I seens it :D
I just quit my job like 3 days ago and got enrolled in a school for commercial vehicle driving, I start Monday and I’m literally terrified haha. Simultaneously taking on $4,000 in debt and quitting your income feels like jumping off a building with a half strapped parachute.
I’m really surprised you remembered me, I still think about you from time to time, it’s been a longggg time. Vampire drama and skype karaoke sessions and all that haha.
Kick at a pillow till it makes you tired, tired Bummed out my whole pack and I gave my fire, all my fire Emptied my pockets, these empty pockets Emptied my pockets and I waited for your call Laid on the pavement, down on the pavement Laid on the pavement with my ear against the wall Stood on the mountain, up on the mountain Stood on the mountain and I called your name.
I am no savior I am no savior I am no savior I am only your dog And I’m all tied up, see how I’m tied up My wrists are bound I am the boat on your dock I am the boat on your dock The more you give me, the more I love you The more I love you, the less you give
Are you a predator? Are you a huntress? Are you just a girl? Or are you some sort of bird? Some bird turned lioness?
I will bury you between two trees. I will bury you with me. Let’s knock some time off the clock, kill the night, untie these knots all tangled up Let’s knock some time off the clock, kill the night, untie these knots all tangled up Let’s knock some time off the clock, untie these knots all tangled up
Emptied my pockets Laid on the pavement Stood on the mountain And I called your name Empty your pockets Lay on the pavement Stand on the mountain Hear how I call your name.
I’m a ghost and you all know it I’m singing songs and I ain’t slowing It was a fragile thing and I goddamn dropped it I picked the pieces up and put them in my pocket And I ain’t gonna try and win your heart this time I’ve had space to think and I think that I’ve grown a little wiser I’m looking for a new muse, you have only made me tired.
"He made lists of things he wanted to feel
when he was younger, big things, small things, ice, snow, the sand
at the beach, someone else’s hands holding his, feeling him feeling
them, a feedback loop of feelings, which is what happens when two
people make love. He wanted to feel things that made him feel safe
and scared and things that ripped his heart out of his chest, things
that made him want to go home and things that made him want to
travel, things that made him proud and things that made him regret
his choices and he, like all people, slowly ticked these things off the
list in his head as he lived, as the world turned until soon, there were
very few things left to feel.
He believed the last thing he would feel, would be nothing, as that
was nearly impossible to feel unless you were dead or hadn’t been
born yet. He wondered what it’d be like to not be able to wonder.
He’d once wanted to know what it felt like to be able to talk to
people properly, to be normal but he’d given up on finding that
feeling, figuring no one ever really found it."
"I can imagine my obituary. The truth of my existence will be removed and replaced with imagined good. The reality of how I lived will be avoided and changed and phrases will be dropped in like Beloved Son, Loving Brother, Reliable Friend, Hardworking Student. People will change their view of me, from reckless Fuck-Up to helpless Martyr, from dangerous Fool to sad Victim, from addicted Asshole to unfortunate Child. They will say things like my God, what a waste. Oh, what he could have been. He had so much going for him, what happened? And it will be fucking false, every single word of it will be false."
"Everywhere I look they are there… what is everyone doing?
Going to a home?
To a place that makes us feel warm… a place that grants us a smile.
Seems like a very simple idea, but not hardly figured out.
I just see faces.
Faces staring blank as they go on with the routine.
Nothing new… its time to go through with this.
A spaceman. That’s what they say I am. Nothing but a spaceman… always pushing it all away.
Trying to get to that one place I call home.
The journey begins… forcing a new life with the unexplained… a creeping rush that surrounds me.
Floating…. floating away.
Always pushing it all away. Trying to get to that one place I call home.
My own planet… I allowed this wish… unexpected… not knowing why.
Wonder why I question it now? I’m my own planet… not many can experience this sensation.
Loneliness is creeping out… or in, however you think of it.
But it sure is surrounding me. Maybe all the complaining is an accurance of boredom. I suppose it’s too late.
I am floating farther and farther away. I did love, I did laugh, I did live.
(Now I’m my own planet)
A spaceman. They say I am… a spaceman.
Planets everywhere… my own destiny… I’m floating towards the sun.
The sun of nothing. Floating towards the sun, the sun of nothing. I have become the sun of nothing.
Nothing is here. Memories are not clear.
Floating to the sun… farther away.
I can’t believe that’s what it has come to… I never really had it all that bad.
I just looked around and never thought about the blank stares.
They were looking into something much worse than what I thought I was.
Selfishness is a very sticky quality of this species. Looking around…
I don’t see any faces… yes I am lonely. It’s to be expected. I’ll sleep now.
"Being an atheist on Christmas is like being a vegetarian on Thanksgiving. You don’t feast on that part of the banquet that most people think is key, but you can enjoy all the sides and make whatever you want as the main course.
We just go with the flow. We are thankful for the—often mandatory—days off work, and the family gatherings that we don’t have the time to organize and attend in any other time of the year. Some of us do enjoy our families. We have an “excuse” to give our loved ones presents, and many of our family members are Christians, so we indulge them, because we love them.”